Dave's Dead and Garlic Pizza

Dave had Osiris skate shoes, the ones with a huge tongue and thick laces. Dave smoked cigarettes and skipped class. We played Diablo all night in his dark room. That’s a game where you are an adventurer. You enter a cathedral. You descend to catacombs, then caves, then deeper than that.

God.

Dave died from an overdose and I didn’t even know and that makes me feel like I’m sloshing around.

I play soccer and eat vegetables but I’ve still got high cholesterol and that’s bullshit in my opinion. It’s a gift from my father or my father’s father. It’s tough when we go to Don Fefe, my favorite pizzeria, cuz the cheese looks like marshmallow stalagmites and there’s glistening green oil all over. It’s so beautiful.

But Simone the chef makes red pizza with garlic cloves that split open in the oven. So I eat that instead and smell like garlic for a whole day and when we get in bed Cassandra pulls the covers over her nose. You reek!

But she doesn’t have high cholesterol. She can eat all the cheese on the moon if she wants.

My friend from 2nd grade came to visit and we were doing the name game and he told me Jim’s a farmer and Matthew won a ton of money on Wheel of Fortune. Will’s a sociopath and nobody’s heard from Chris.

It was a casual conversation but that’s how I found out about Dave.

I know, I know. I mentioned it already.

There’s a black speck in the shower. I get close and hell there’s an ant crawling on the tiles. He’s struggling from the steam. His legs barely move and I have an instinct to crush him.

I towel off and find a piece of paper and put a dab of honey on it. I figure I’ll carry him outside on this magic carpet and leave him in the grass. He’ll regain his strength and go on an odyssey to find his friends or make new ones. I look for him in the grout. I look for him on the tile. I look at the wet holes in the drain. He’s gone.

I used to be embarrassed by body smells in high school. Before a dance I’d scrub myself raw. Double shampoo, double soap, double deodorant. If I got ready too early I’d start the process all over again so I’d be as fresh as possible. It was an obsession. I’d use mouthwash until I couldn’t taste anything. I had gum in both pockets, just in case.

What, exactly, was I expecting? With Dave, I mean.

One day we’d reunite and play Diablo? He was tucked in a cabinet in my mind but all it took was hearing his name for him to spring out. Now I see him perfectly. My friend told me something sad. I guess things with his parents were rough… so he didn’t even have a funeral.

Pizza.

Cassandra gives me a look. I can tell she’s gonna ask me to eat around the garlic… but I’ve got enough to worry about. There’s plaque in my heart. I’m on medicine that destroys my immune system.

I wanna reek.

She sees the set of my jaw and turns to her personal mountain of cheese.

It’s the first dance of the year and I have these socks with orange stripes and I’ve washed my whole body twice. I am saturated with deodorant. And my friend said he’d introduce me to a girl and I am excited. Her name is Susan, an adult’s name. So we stand in a circle and I’m chewing gum and she’s holding her arms in this adult kind of way and I feel nervous but also confident because I am clean. There’s tension in the air and I’m aware of this girl next to me, but my friend is a joker, you see, and he can tell I’m vulnerable… he can always tell when I’m feeling sensitive and he will always do something about it, so he steps forward and pops me in the stomach with a little jab and when he pops me in the stomach, I fart.

He screams with joy.

I am an iron maiden. Cold. Sharp. Closed.

There’s only one option.

I walk over the hill and never see Susan again.

These days I keep my arms crossed over my stomach. I’ve learned my lesson.

Anyways I’m not sure where Dave is at this point, he wasn’t there. It was Kev who punched me in the stomach. Seems like a Dave kinda thing to do, but we’d already lost touch at that point. Three more Diablos have come out since we were kids and Diablos will keep coming out as long as there are computers and people who need to go down down down past the entrance of the cathedral and through the arches of the catacombs and past the stalagmites where there’s a horrible glow of fire ahead and it’s a big journey, I know, and the sad thing is Dave will still be dead at the beginning, during the middle, and at the very end.

We eat Don Fefe every Sunday night and it’s routine like this that keeps me from flipping out. I bite into the garlic and it’s like. It’s like… well. It is very good. I am disciplined. But it’s not cheese, is it? Cassandra gives me her crust.

She always gives me her crust.

I can’t think of a single real story about Dave. I can see him. I can hear his voice. But I can’t remember anything specific except the glow of the computer screen and our bodies next to each other.

I’m sloshing over the sides and evaporating on the pavement. I am outside and the sun is beating down. It is spring.

I am hungry. Ridiculously hungry.

I get a tomato mozzarella sandwich from the bakery. Slabs of white cheese hanging over the bread. It’s barely out the bag before I tear into it and while I’m on the corner, oil dripping everywhere, an old man yells buon appetito from across the street and I have the urge to follow him, to talk to him hurriedly and excitedly between mouthfuls. A woman tries to park her scooter where I’m standing. She revs to get my attention. I stare at her. I’m not sure what I will do.

After a long pause I wipe my fingers on my pants. These are my messy jeans, covered in ink, crumbs, and oil. Covered in hay, fur, bits of charcoal and blades of grass. Sprays of marinara and gobs of oregano and powdered shale and cold sleet and spit and snot and some tears too. I bow theatrically to the woman on the scooter and usher her in like air traffic control.

Noggin Update: Some nice press, podcasts, and articles about NOGGIN.

First Time Go - Noggin - a video podcast with Ben, a very sensitive host. Thankyou Ben.

Film Inquiry - Slamdance roundup review - Noggin. Thanks to Jules!

RealTalk MS - with Jon Strum, a podcast about MS- what a great host, thanks Jon.

Psyche Mag - Aeon, a feature for Noggin, how cool!

A shoutout from Edwin Rostron’s great substack about animation, Edge of Frame.

Also, be sure to check out my friend Erik Winkowski’s wonderful substack, Paper Films. Chock full of illustrations, animations, music and more.

adolescence playlist:

There’s nothing sweeter than this syrupy performance of all the different versions of Evan Hansen (from the Broadway musical) singing together.

My Dad likes classic rock and 70’s rock in general so we saw Bob Seger in concert when I was in high school and I was the youngest person there. I like that era. I’m suspicious of covers in general, but this one of Clem Snide playing Journey is just. I don’t know. It’s something else.

I like Porter Robinson. This song and accompanying video by Tomoyasu Murata are lovely.

I recorded this song on my iphone when I was very sick. It’s embarrassing and private, but I’m trying to kick all of my shame to the curb and gather my puzzle pieces to begin a new film. This was probably the first piece that was useful for making Noggin.

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IMAGES in this post:

a. Dave, ink drawing, 2025

b. Monument, cut paper and digital drawing from an unfinished graphic novel, 2018

c. Ant, ink drawing, 2025

d. Acolytes, cut paper and digital drawing from an unfinished graphic novel, 2018

e. Bub Hallway, screenshot from Bub, a videogame, by Case and Todd Anderson, 2020-present

f. Oh Susan, ink drawing, 2025

g. Plinth, ink drawing, 2025